Practicing Silence

As a parent of six children, I experience quite a bit of conversation in my home. There are times when I wonder what quiet is really like. Or if I will ever experience silence in the house before 11:30 p.m. The talking, yelling, arguing, and (this is the good part) laughter seem unending and all-pervasive. There is simply little time of quiet in the home, but that is to be expected with a larger family.

Actually, I am grateful for the children and their desire to share verbally with me and with each other. When I walk in through the front door, I am glad they want to fill me on their day, on the news of the home, of whatever they are feeling. That is a rewarding exchange, and in listening I show each child that I love them.

My kids need to learn to effectively communicate. They need to learn to write and speak well if they are to succeed in life.

Professionally, I am in the business of communication. I get paid to talk for a living. It is a wonderful thing, and I enjoy what I do. I'm told I am pretty good at it, too. Nonetheless, there is a danger in this line of work, and that is in talking too much. At times I feel compelled to fill every empty moment in a conversation with talk, because, after all, I am a good talker! There is of course a problem inherent in such activity. Too much of a good thing is bad. And in speaking too freely or frequently, I am in danger of making my own thoughts and ideas somehow become less meaningful.

Personally, I often struggle with being fast and loose with my words, speaking first and then thinking. This happens at work, in discussions with friends, and most often in the home. And that is something that must change.

This notion of being more economical with my words is a lesson I want my children to learn. Alas, it is not something that I can effectively model for them, it seems. For reasons I cannot explain, I find myself apologizing to them - and to my dear wife - for saying things I shouldn’t have, or for using an improper tone as I speak, or for not listening better.

The Old Testament book of Proverbs has much about the value of guarding the tongue, letting it fall silent and speaking little. Chapter 17 is especially meaningful to me, as it seems to capture the difficulties of trying to use the tongue well. Over in the New Testament, James addresses this subject with great eloquence. His word picture of a ship set on course by a small rudder is a perfect analogy of how a few stray words can turn the direction of a conversation, or even of an entire relationship, in a different direction.

I would do well to heed these great insights! I simply must be quieter in everyday life. I have to slow down the tongue, express my opinion less, and be more thoughtful. At the least, I'll display a bit of wisdom in doing so (see Proverbs 17:28)!

About the value of being quiet, Francois Fenelon (1651-1715) said this:
"Silence promotes the presence of God, prevents many harsh and proud words, and suppresses many dangers in the way of ridiculing or harshly judging our neighbors... If you are faithful in keeping silence when it is not necessary to speak, God will preserve you from evil when it is right for you to talk."

May you use your words well, and may those words you speak be useful and beneficial to others. And in those moments of quiet, may you powerfully experience God's presence.