Parenting: Making Mistakes

Here's a good reminder about the need to allow others to make mistakes. While writer Alan Mason intended the readers to use the advice in their work-world activities as managers and leaders, it strikes me that this is very appropriate for the parenting process.

Every parent wants their child to do well in life. Sometimes, though, we forget that kids make mistakes, and lots of them, as we train and coach them toward maturity. We can be discouraged by the failures along the way. "Why can't this child finally get it? How much longer do I have to teach, and train, and tell them to do better?"

After Mason sets the context by noting that we often want better for those we lead and manage, he observes:

The problem is that we aren’t always very good at producing improvement in other people. We explain what we want, and then just expect it to happen. We don’t understand and embrace the first law of coaching:

You have to give people permission to make a mistake in order to improve.
Few of us try something new and are immediately perfect at it. We try, fail, try again with what we’ve learned, and so on. Which brings us to the second law of coaching:

Look for progress, not perfection.

As long as the individual is moving toward the goal, they are succeeding. It’s our job to look for movement, even small movement, toward the goal, and applaud it. Without positive reinforcement there will be no progress.

To not do this is the biggest mistake of all.

As I think about it, this notion of allowing for mistakes is something I need to apply to my own life. As a parent, I've certainly got a long ways to grow. I fail as a Dad daily. Lose my temper. Overpromise, underdeliver. Speak hastily. Express bad attitudes.

So even as I make mistakes today, Lord, would you help me make progress toward the goal of being a godly parent today?

The complete article is at Mason's blog for Tuesday, January 24, 2006.