(C) With Apologies to Tolkien

An unknown source provided this to me. For LOTR fans, for conservatives...


MINAS TIRITH (Gondor News Network) - Thousands of peace activists took to
the streets of Minas Tirith and other cities of Middle Earth today to
protest what they termed a rush to war with Mordor.

"We need more time for diplomacy," said a key member of the Middle-Earth
Security Council, Saruman the White. "I am not convinced by the evidence
presented by my esteemed colleague, Gandalf the Grey, or that the Dark Lord
Sauron presents an imminent danger to the peoples of the West."

Many of the people protesting war in Mordor agreed with Saruman's remarks.
"Sauron says he's destroyed his Rings of Mass Destruction (RMD) and that's
good enough for me," said one fellow carrying a sign that said "Elrond is a
Balrog." Another demonstrator urged, "Give the RMD inspectors more time.
There's no reason to rush to any judgment just because Mount Doom is
belching lava, the Dark Tower is rebuilt, and Osgiliath has been decimated."
A third protester piped up, "I haven't heard a single bit of convincing
evidence connecting the Nazgul with Sauron. I think they destroyed Osgiliath
on their own initiative without any support from Sauron. Besides, it's
understandable they're angry with Gondor. We haven't done nearly as much for
the Orcs and Goblins and Easterlings as the Nazgul and Sauron have. It's
understandable they throw their support to them. It's our own fault really."

As the protesters continued their march through the city, they chanted, "No
blood for Mount Doom," voicing a common sentiment that the leaders of the
Western peoples are really seeking to get their hands on the powerful Mount
Doom, where the One Ring of Power was allegedly forged.

Gandalf the Grey was unavailable for comment. A spokesman said he was in an
undisclosed underground location, which sources have revealed is codenamed
"Moria."